Operation Sunbeam
by Dragonlover24186
Summary: Don't you think I want to? Do you think I enjoy doing this to myself! I'm the only thing standing between Russia and the rest of the world! So no, I can't just stop because it would be more convenient for me...


_God why. How did it come to this?_

I held it in my hand. Operation Sunbeam. How long had this been going on? We took a break in 59...But that idiot France started it all up again. At least it was only four this time...only four. When we started it was just five or six, then it was more like thirty or forty in a year...most all of them in Nevada...It wasn't bad at first, but it became more and more frequent...more and more painful.

I had to arrive at meetings with crutches, my whole abdomen wrapped up. I saw the looks everyone gave me, that worried look that I wish I could erase, but I didn't think they would understand fully why I was doing this. That bastard Russia, on the other hand, was perfectly fine even though he had done about as many tests as I did. Of course, he did them all forcibly on Kazakhstan. He was too much of a coward to face the pain himself. He wanted all of the power, but none of the consequences. It took all that I had not to jump him every time I saw him, though not every time was I successful.

There are five permanent members of the UN security council: Me, England, France, China, and Russia. Russia had been on and off in actually attending these meetings, mainly because he was trying to make a point or something, which made me awfully happy. Though he ditched most of those, he did show up one day, trying once again to ruin one of my plans.

"Would you just stop it for once! This isn't even about you or me! Stop vetoing every plan just because I present it! Your anti-imperialist policies are pretty fucking hypocritical, so stop trying to make this general assembly so hostile!"

"Ah Amerika, everyone simply does not agree with what you say. It is not my fault that every word out of your mouth is only benefiting you and your allies, da?"

"No, you're just threatening everyone around you. When you're not here, they all make their own decisions"

"They always are with the voting like me because I have the correct opinion. I am always in the right. Which reminds me, how are you holding up, Amerika?"

"That's it, I've had it! Come here!"

I started pushing myself up and across the table, but was quickly held back by a few of my allies. France and England jumped on me first, as they sad on either side, followed in time by Germany. They were able to slow me, but if I had really wanted to, I could have broken free.

"Let me go! I have to teach that fucking commie bastard a lesson!"  
>"Nein, you do not vant to open this up again"<p>

"You bloody git, just calm down already"

"Veeeeee~! Don't you want somma pasta instead?"

They were right, this wouldn't solve a thing.

"Yah sorry...I just lost it for a second there..."

It happened more and more frequently, the tension just built up so quickly. Sometimes I would initiate it, sometimes he would. We were always held back by a third-party, but it was disturbing none the less.

After a few of those incidents, many of my NATO allies would come over more often, wanting to see how everything was going, how long I could fend off Russia was more like it. They came wanting nuclear arms in many cases as well, though I only let a select few actually have them. Testing became so frequent that I had to stay in the house for basically everything. It just hurt so damn much to get up. Apparently, news of the increase in testings had reached the ears of the one person I didn't want knowing. Arthur, of course, had a key to the front door and could just walk in. It wouldn't have been a problem normally, but I didn't want him seeing me like that.

"Alfred? Are you home?"

I decided not to answer that question, thinking that maybe he would just leave. That didn't work out so well as he then decided to make a full search of the house. I knew exactly what he came for and I didn't really want to hear it.

"Alfred, you need to stop this. Just look at what you're bloody well doing to yourself!"

I got up off the chair I had been camped at for a few days and picked him up by his shirt, off the ground.

"Don't you think I want to? Do you think I enjoy doing this to myself? No! But I fucking can't stop ok! I'm the only thing standing between Russia and the rest of the fucking world! So no, I can't just stop because it would be more convenient for me...I'm doing this for all of you! I gave you all money to prevent that bastard from getting to any of you. Russia and I are the only ones who are the world powers now. He is up here because of the horrible things he does to the other members of the USSR. I'm here because of me, I did this alone ok! I have the fucking responsibility so I'm going to keep going...for as long as it takes until that bastard stops. I don't care what it does to me, I can't let him win..."

My hands were shaking, though I had put one on my stomach, unconsciously putting pressure on it, like at any moment, it would happen again.

"How do you find this strength all of a sudden...I thought you couldn't walk correctly"

"This is what I've done for all this strength. I'm only getting stronger you know..."

I needed to sit down. I reached for the recliner and laid my head in my hands. I didn't want him to see what all of this did to me...but I just couldn't stop it...

"God what have I become...Why did this happen to me...I never wanted this...not power like this...I'm supposed to help everyone...I'm the goddamn hero here, so why does it hurt so badly...First it's a thunder crack sort of noise...then it's just loud...so fucking loud...my ears start ringing and I feel light heade-"

"Please just stop...You know how I don't like it when you're hurting like this. I'd rather you not describe it to me"

"I'm telling you so that you won't dare think of doing this...I know you want to...Please just let me do this on my own. You suffered enough in the war...just let me do this..."

"Nobody wants you to do this. Have you seen their looks in the meetings, everyone is concerned, worried that you're taking this too far"

"Too far! Really? Too fucking far? I don't think it's far enough to stop another clusterfuck of a war!"

"You and Russia, at every meeting, look as though you're going to rip each other's throats out. Everyone can feel the tension, it's thick in the air. It's not healthy Alfred...harboring this much hatred"

"How is this different than anyone else's enemy relations? This seems pretty hypocritical of you"

"I know I'm not the one to talk, but...It's different with you two, you're much too powerful to be carrying on like this. You two are gambling the entire world on this..."

"Don't you think I know that! I was...so close to launching over a hundred of them..just a few months ago...That would have been it...the whole world gone..."

"Seeing you now, I wish I never had to send over that letter in '41..."

"There was no way you could have done this all, you had no money left. I had to do this. If anyone was going to have this power, it was going to be me...But unlike that Russian bastard, I don't have anybody else to test it on...And I never would. I'd rather be the one in pain, the one making sure it works...I can't let anyone else have this burden"

"Alfred, you're not in this alone"

"I know...I have half of the world at my back. I just don't know if I can handle that..."

"We all believe in you, dear chap"

"Yah...that's the problem. I don't want to let anyone down"

"With all you've been through, how could we be let down?"

"You're just saying that..."

"No I'm not. Now co-"

"You probably want to leave...You don't want to be here in a few hours"

"Operation Plumbbob correct?"  
>"Yah, that's the one"<p>

"You're not going to be alone in this anymore, alright?"

"You don't want to see me when it happens, go home"

"No, I'm staying and that's final"

"Arthur, I'm serious, get out!"

"Why do you want to do this alone?"

"Because...I'm doing this willingly! I'm doing it to myself. Let me be"

"Just sit down and I'll make you some coffee"

"Why are you always like this...a stubborn old man..."

"I'm your older brother remember? I know what's best for you"

"If there's no changing your mind...then I guess you asked for this"

The few hours passed, the testing started, and I did my best hiding it, but I guess I didn't remember how much it hurt. At first, it's just an isolated gunshot feeling, like a hole was ripped through my stomach, but then an intense burning crept all the way through and up to my chest. It wasn't even close to the feeling of it being used aggressively, I knew that...Japan had gone through so much worse because his people were suffering through all of this. It was just me in all of this, that's the way I wanted it. Of course, with Arthur there, I couldn't help but use him as my pain deterrent. I wrapped my arms around him with a crushing force, digging my nails into his back. I made sure not to break anything, but got damn near close to it. My body would shake vigorously for hours after each detonation and the burning didn't go away for days.

"This is what can happen when you're a superpower...You're finally learning how hard it is..."

"It's better than the alternative..."

"When are you going to stop this...You have enough firepower to destroy Russia ten times over..."

"I'll stop when I feel safe doing it...I won't let him hurt anyone, if this is what I have to do, then fine"

"You can't keep putting yourself through this...This is madness"

"It's nothing the hero can't handle, really"

"And why don't I believe that?"

"Because you're being a non-believer. Stop worrying about me...I'll take care of myself...But uh...well...Thanks Arthur"

"Anytime"

Then back to today, July 7, 1962, just a few days after my birthday, I made sure of it. I saw no end in sight, we both kept it up. I would test many more in the years to come. I invited a certain someone over today, rather he invited himself.

"When you said 'anytime', I didn't think you meant every time..."

"Just sit down, git. I brought scones"

"Oh great, scones..."

"You secretly love them. I just know it"

"Sureeeee dude..."

"Just eat your scone, we have a few hours to kill"

That's how it went every time after that. I didn't understand why, but I was never alone doing those again...and you know...that's how I wanted it to be.

* * *

><p>DISCLAIMER! I am no writer, I'm just doing these for fun :D So sorry, but with my busy schedule, I won't be editing or revising any of these. Feel free to leave a review if you so wish, but if it's critical, I'll take your criticism but I'm not big on revising X( sorry! I love fluffy reviews though :D<p> 


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